Your Organization

Wed, 28 Dec 2011 16:15:00 -0500

Wed, 28 Dec 2011 16:04:00 -0500

New Record

Take a look at this new record.

New Record

Wed, 28 Dec 2011 16:03:00 -0500

New Record

The Mating And Dating Part Of Your Stepfamily (the couple):

Doc@DeenaStacer.com — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 20:17:00 -0500

1) Work out ways for your new family to communicate: develop family meetings, create a bulletin board, or a calendar, make a compliment and suggestion box, work on planning future activities with the family. 2) Be patient and allow plenty of time for family members to work out their differences. (It takes about 4 years for each child and stepparent to develop a relationshiip, that means if you have 4 children that is 8 years of patience). 3) Make your couple relationship a priority. Remember, when parents are happy, children feel more secure. Make a date night a priority so that the two of you can get away and be romantic, talk about things other than problems and enjoy each other's company. 4) Explore and eliminate unrealistic expectations that you have about your new family. Find more realistic expectations and take action steps to get there. Take one step at a time and praise yourself for each step you take. 5) Plan a activities that will lead you into the future as a family. Discuss your dreams nightly. Develop a dream board for each family member and review it before bedtime. Have a quiet time with picture books or photos to help you daydream about times being together as a family, as a couple, without the step children, and with your children. 6) End the conflict with the EX. Your life energy will be wasted if you are still reacting to your EX every time they communicate with you. Make a decision to end the conflict so that your children can get out of the pressure cooker between you and your Ex. Get help to end the conflict on your side of the relationship. Your Ex may want to keep conflict going to disrupt your new family's success. Check out other information on www.ParentsInConflict.com to help you end the conflict and connect more closely to your chidren.

Stepfamily Suggestions for Biological Parents

Doc@DeenaStacer.com — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 20:05:00 -0500

1. Understand that your extended family also needs time to adjust to the changes in your life and your children�s lives. Grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins may have difficulty letting go of the previous spouse and replacing them with someone new. Encourage grandparents to give gifts to all of the children now, and not play favorites with the biological grandchildren.

2. Include your new spouse in your existing family unit, but let the relationship develop slowly with your extended family, allow time for them to develop respect and comfort. This may be easier depending upon the length of courting relationship. When there has been more time to adjust to the new family changes and the family members have embraced the new mate and their children the family has less adjustments to go through. Sometimes the breakup may have been so painful for the entire family they may not be supportive of the new mate, this may take a lot longer to establish trust with them.

3. Be supportive, maintain an attitude of empathy while discussing any difficulties you may have with your new partner�s children or they are having with your children. The idea of disciplining the new mate's children brings shivers down my spine. Keep a respectful relationship with the children, but do not engage in a disciplinary role as the new parent. This is sure to lead to rebellion or resentment by older children. Younger children may need the new mate to provide guidance, but never become the disciplinarian, even if it is difficult, especially when the new mate may see behaviors in the stepchildren that they do not like and want to correct. The biological parent may resent your critical complaints, which will further isolate you from them, rather them connecting you closer to them.

Strategies for Stepfamily Success

doc@deenastacer.com — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 19:13:00 -0500

Stepfamilies are more complicated than traditional families for many reasons. Here are some immediate tips to help you strengthen your stepfamily relationships. Stepfamilies are formed in many ways. A mother with two children may marry a man without children. A father with one child may marry a women with three children. A couple may live together and both have children, and later have a child of their own. Once a family unites into a stepfamily, their extended families also form stepfamily relations.

Did you know that approximately 50% of traditional marriages today fail? Stepfamily failure rates are even higher, with a percentage rate of between 60 and 70%. This means that stepfamilies need to work even harder today to survive.

Here are some a few helpful tips and important concepts to understand to increase your success as a stepfamily:

1. Find a support group of stepfamily parents or seek out friends, counselors or family members who can, and will support you as you work on the stepfamily's success. A support group or person is essential for the success of the newly created family because the new family is actually quite complicated. Having a friend or counselor to talk to often helps the family, (adults and children included) by creating a neutral and safe person to talk to who is not related to the family. An outside perspective is important, but an educated professional or a person who has already been in a stepfamily can provide many suggestions and support which is valuable. This can make the difference between thinking you are going crazy. This support person can help you recognize the many stages that a stepfamily goes through before settling down into a routine that works for all of the family members.

2. Allow your children and your stepchildren plenty of time to adjust to the changes in the family. Do not expect the children to like these changes or to verbally support the sechanges. You may even find they are very verbal about hating these changes. Involving the children in family meetings so they become a part of the changes will help them feel more involved and allow them to have a voice in the way the changes occur. For example, when combining families into one household, children that are not related may have to share a bedroom. It is important to ease the children into the idea and have them give you suggestions for how they can share the room,. This helps them buy into the idea of sharing and it allow them time to get used to the new change in their life.

Defining Conflictual Coparenting

Doc@DeenaStacer.com — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 02:00:00 -0500

Dr Deena Defines Conflictual Coparenting in an audio format, designed to help you understand the difference for those who can coparent and those you cannot coparent.

We discuss my definition for the conflictual coparenting model of parenting. See if your coparenting relationship fits this model. If it does, then you are probably a conflictual custody case, and you may to learn the skills to disengage from your EX and learn to bond more closely to your children to end the fight.

If you are in a conflictual relationship, you can take the Interactive High Conflict Intervention Parenting Class or if you live in San Diego, you can attend the live high conflict intervention parenting class. To register for the online class go to the Sign_up page on this website. If you want to attend the live class, download this flyer. If you fit the conflictual coparenting definition, you will learn the strategies, skills and tools to protect your children from the conflict and how to let go of a high conflict parent.

This Is The House That Jack Built

Doc@DeenaStacer.com — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 02:00:00 -0500

This is the sad story about Jack, who built the house and the business that he lost in a high conflict breakup. This is a poem about the high conflict home that Jack built.

Cooperative Coparenting Model

Doc@DeenaStacer.com — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 13:13:00 -0500

In this Powerpoint lesson, we learn how to define the concept of cooperative coparenting. Most professionals involved with child custody conflicts insist that parents "learn" to coparent, however, there is a difference between those who can cooperatively coparent and those who cannot. Understanding that there are two types of coparenting is essential to learn how to end the conflict if parents are conflictual coparents rather than cooperative coparents.

The Relationship Breakup Chart

Doc@DeenaStacer.com — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 02:00:00 -0500

This chart, created by Lynette Triere, describes the differences between the person leaving the relationship or marriage and the person being left behind, by the one leaving. You can download and print the chart as we discuss it. Permission granted by Lynette Triere.